August 5, 2008
I just finished another day at my job. I think I’ve impressed them with how fast I was able to pick it up. I got an e-mail from a used bookstore asking if I was still interested in working for them. I walked down there and got an application from them, and this morning I filled it out. One of the questions on the application was to “Name 5 things on which you are an expert”. Here are my answers as written: 1. Bob Dylan
2. Suppressing emotional anguish
3. Passive aggressiveness
4. Creating uncomfortable atmospheres
5. Sleeping with my eyes open in an upright position
You think I’ll get the job? It doesn’t matter. Y’see, I was thinking I could maybe pick up a second job for some extra money. Yeah, sure, That sounds like a good Idea for MY future! I’ll make money that I can save and so on… But, I thought about it more and decided that it’s not really what I want. I don’t want to be too tired everyday, I don’t want to worship days off so much and I guess I don’t really want to look at people’s faces who want something from me. Also, I have a goal for myself, and I NEED all of the time and energy that I can get to work at it. I don’t NEED a second job. If I ever go completely broke I’ll send an invoice to my father. He’ll help me! I’d give him money if he needed it! It’s a family thing, I help you out, you help me out! And then, you help me out. And then you help me out.
I’m a lot like those aliens from Independents Day; I use up all of your resources and then I move on to the next family member. Ask mom and David if you don’t believe me. No more retirement for them! Thanks a few thousand, guys! Ha Ha Ha!
I am putting together a little book called ‘Noahism: the cult of Noah Van Sciver’. It will be a guide to living on a two hundred dollar paycheck. For instance: How to steal toilet paper from public places, The best kinds of cars to “accidentally” get hit by, and drinks you can make for free using coffee creamer, honey and sugar packets. I’m putting some recipes in there for how to properly cook Campbell’s sirloin burger as well as how to quietly cook your roommate’s food. I think I’m on to something.
Here is one of the cards I was asked to design for Adam Lerner.
Every time I read some one else’s blog it’s really long. I wish I enjoyed writing in here more. It’s something I don’t have cure for, I just get lazy on here.