Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving was really fun this year. I got to go to Jonah’s house on wednesday night and see him for the first time in a while. We had a good time, ate pizza and watched some television. I slept in Lakewood and in the morning we went to Micah’s and hung out there while the kids made apple turkeys.  Robin picked me up and we drove to her parent’s house. I had a deadline to meet for Westword so I had to hide out in her parent’s office and draw as fast as could while they got the house ready for visitors. Robin’s family were hosting Thanksgiving for a lot of people. They had to set up tables and get it all set while making dinner.  The people arrived and I had my usual awkward moments of silence and invisibility.  I listened to a bunch of drunk people talk about wine tasting.  Then we ate and I sat next to a guy named bill who had scabs all over his arms that he kept picking at. Maybe for a hobby. It was freezing cold last night and Robin’s parents live in the woods. I saw some deer walk by the window as well as a rabbit who was hopping around. When we left it was really, really dark outside since there are no street lights in the woods. We found the car.  I had to find a Kinko’s so I could photocopy this page that I had worked on earlier, but all of the Kinko’s were closed. We tried the CU Denver campus, and alas, it was also closed up tight. Discouraged, I was dropped off at home.  There was a lady sleeping on a couch in my alley way. I felt bad for her. It was very cold!

Thanks Ethan.

Don’t ever get me wrong about this:

I can already tell that a struggle to do something with yourself is way better than becoming something overnight.

Now, a couple of years ago, when I was really starting to take my comics more seriously as something I could do for money (chuckle) I knew that what I was drawing didn’t look good. And, the things I was writing weren’t even good at all. I only submitted to little magazines around my town, knowing that seeing my work in print anywhere at that point would light my fire. The fire that I’m still going off of. I’m slowly trying to draw with a more “mature” voice.I don’t want people to read my comics and ever put me in the amateur box.   I worked at it. I still am, but now it’s a bit more polishing work. Finding the right curve, and the right kind of hand. That hand that I’ve been looking for.   I am developing my own style. A style that is something that I would want to look at if I saw it.

 

depressing.

Y’know, I’ve been trying to remember if I was angry or sad or anything like that when I was growing up and I can’t even remember anymore. I think I was and remain more passive aggressive than anything else. That comes with the territory of being meek, though. Was I hard to deal with as a teenager? I am now, I’m sure. But, that’s Robin’s problem now. I take some kind of strange, strong pleasure in scaring that girl. Putting on a gorilla mask and jumping out of a closet just to scare her to tears makes me chuckle even as I write this. Am I evil? No. I’m awesome.

I’ve been feeling that sense of hopelessness creeping up on me recently. I think it’s because of the cold weather.I get like this in the winter and for some reason I never have a warm bedroom. I can’t understand it! Every place I’ve lived in is freezing! I can’t get work done like this! I’ve been on the edge this past few days. I just feel like everything I do is stupid and I ought to quit or something. It’s been a very strong feeling lately.  Having to constantly bother people is not really in my character, but it’s something that I have to do with my cartoons. I have to make editors understand/believe that I’m worth something.When I send things out in the mail I always imagine my package in a huge pile that won’t even be looked at. It’s rough, but you have to send it out anyway. 

I woke up thinking I was sick because my throat was sore. But, it’s just because my room sucks and the heaters are for looks. I’m moving back to Arizona, where I can get beat up and chased home all over again.  I guess I should start putting disclaimers on my complaining blogs so nobody gets suckered in to reading this garbage. 

Sorry guys!

Radio noah.

On the 14th I was a special guest on radio 1190′s “local Shakedown”.                                                                 I was really nervous as the show actually started and I had to talk. I always get nervous about that.               I’m sure you can tell.

We talked about all sorts of things related to my own comics, I got a chance to mention some good friends of mine from Denver and even had some people call in with their own questions for me in between some colorado indie rock.

The show is two hours long so if you want to just listen to me talk you have to skip through some of the songs. It’s a good time and that day was the beginning of a nice 3 day weekend. 

November 14th (Noah Van Sciver)
	November 14th- Local Shakedowsn (1st Hour) November 14th – Local Shakedown (2nd Hour)

THE STRUGGLE CONTINUES.

Well, here I am. I knew early on in my childhood that I was either going to dig up dinosaur bones or draw when I got older. I think I chose drawing, but sometimes I think that drawing chose me. I don’t want to do anything else but this. So, I have had to start at the very, very bottom. I  work everyday at this. 

Here I am at a bar in Denver trying to sell my comics. I learned this day that the modern drunkard is outside of my demographic. I made $9.00 there.

I’m okay. I will have a comic in the next issue (in december) of Maximum RocknRoll and a page in the next issue of Mineshaft (a fantagraphics zine I think). And of course my weekly comic in Westword, my sporadically appearing in The Comics Journal and my bread and butter belmarlab.org 

Some people don’t have a tenth of the success I’ve had in my short time of trying to be a famous artist.

At this point…

I feel like I will never find a publisher. I’ve been trying for a while and I just can’t get anybody to help me. They tell me they like my work a lot but then always tell me they are too busy or that their company is too full. The latest rejection from Top Shelf says that the economy is too bad.  It’s been completely flattening to me lately. I see what all the new comics are as they come out and I can’t believe a lot of this stuff is in print! So much of what’s being done today is complete crap. Boring, with no edge to it and no soul. I don’t want to fail. I have to do this. But, nobody will give me a chance. It’s all I need. 

Who knows what will become of me. 

In other news:                                                                                                                                                    remember that art show that I took part in? Well, Somebody stole my paintings! Good things, right? Just mine. I would have sold them for cheap too. I don’t really know how to handle it.