Shine a light.
February 13, 2010
I’ve been wondering lately what’s wrong with me.
I work two jobs and I don’t have a day off anymore. It’s been really hard to get stuff that needs to get done done. I’m sick of everything I like. I don’t want to hear music, I can’t concentrate on reading or drawing, and I’m anxious.
I feel like I’m going to throw up and I can’t sleep very well. Robin’s band is playing tonight, and the thought of going out and seeing other people make me feel depressed. This has happened before, though. I’ve been to bars where Robin was playing a show, and felt so anxious, and claustrophobic that I just left and walked a long way home in the cold night without telling anyone.
I know this is stupid, but I can’t figure out the cure to this. It feels different than just being depressed. Like somebody is pulling on my insides. My face feels really heavy.
I always think twice about posting my writing whenever I feel like this. I know it’s stupid to think that anybody would want to read about this. I probably wouldn’t want to. But, I’m doing it anyway.
I don’t feel like I have any real reason to feel like this. Things are going good for me. I’m just really heavy. I’m tired.
My friend Dan is filming a documentary on my other friend John. I appear in the background a few times. He’s posting his clips here.
Noah, I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this. Could it be a chemical imbalance, since you don’t have any circumstantial reason to feel this way? Maybe you should see a doctor. Sometimes I have felt trends of what you describe, where I just “don’t like the things I like”. That makes sense to me. I don’t know if you would consider it, but prayer helps me a great deal. I love you.
I don’t know if I have a chemical imbalance.
Perhaps I do. I haven’t tried praying yet.
And I haven’t thought of going to get medication either.
I’ll eventually have to I bet.
Try prayer first. It’s free, and very effective.