Interview with Noah Van Sciver by Noah Van Sciver.

Caption: “Miss I think you dropped my phone bill. Here you are!”

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Many of you are familiar with the cartoon work of Noah Van Sciver. He’s the near-sighted artist behind that one comic book that you would maybe buy if you saw it in a comic shop, but don’t feel like buying it online because of all of the work involved. But did you know that he also has to find a different Denver band every single week and interview them for a comic strip that is published in Denver’s alternative weekly Westword?

Well, he does. And he’s been doing this for 3 years every week.

I recently sat down with Noah to discuss his upcoming projects and his life in general. And it was easy because, well, I’m Noah.

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Hello Noah. how are you doing? I know you have seasonal affective disorder and everything. Are you feeling ok?

Well, I guess I’m alright. Just a little cold here in my morgue-like room.

How’s the constant laughter over crappy movies that goes on all night by your roommate and his friends been?

My nerves are pretty jangled. It’s tough to drown it out sometimes. I guess I’m just happy that people get to have so much fun with this apartment that I’m paying half of. And I’m only sorry that I don’t want to see these people that hang out here at all in my life. Maybe if they told better jokes I’d laugh with them.

Bitter?

Yes. So what?

Excellent. (cough) Ok. So, tell us a bit about your life, Noah. What’s it like to be the cartoonist behind such instant comic classics like “The Denver Spider Man” and “Abbey’s Road?” And who could forget those loveable Chickens? What are your days like?

I wake up on the filthy futon cushion on the floor I call a bed, roll over and finish the crust from last night’s domino’s pizza that has been sitting out all night, near my head waiting for me like a loyal pet. I’m just in my boxers and there’s greasy garlic sauce and crumbs all over my face, my sparse chest hair and happy trail. I’ll pull a bigger crumb out of my belly button and pop it into my awful mouth while I pull my pale body up off the floor (knee joints popping) to properly wipe the sauce off of my hands onto my boxer’s fabric.

Next, I’ll usually take a fuzzy-eyed gander at the pages of my latest comic story that are splayed all over the ground under my feet. They will cry out to me “Finish us, Noah! Finish us!” And I’ll look down and whisper “no.”

I’ll use the bathroom, playing the old footprint game where I try to match up my steps with the steps of my former self, that are told in the footprints made on my filthy bathroom floor.

Then, I’ll fall back onto my bedroom floor and try to get a few more hours of sleep.

And so on and so on… My life’s nothing really to brag about.  Just a bunch of out-of- focus vignettes.

… So when will Blammo #7 be out?

Soon actually. It came together pretty quickly.

And what about The Hypo?

Not for a while more. Don’t worry about it, friend.

(coughing) Sorry I think I have something wrong with my throat or something.

Alright, well keep it coming towards me, why don’t ya?

Sorry. (COUGH)

Disgusting man. You make me sick. It sounds like you’re bleeding in your throat when you cough. I’d better not get what you’ve got.

I am you. Do you have any goals for 2011?

No. Not really. Just to continue drawing my comics. Watch more MAD MEN.

Maybe read some more….

I like you. Do you like me too?

(Cough) Damn you!

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So there you have it folks. A fine interview! Wow!

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